unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
