maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
