Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
