We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
