Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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