Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
