Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize