Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
