No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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