Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
