And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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