you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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