No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
