He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
