I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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