4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize