i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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