My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
