I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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