I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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