I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
