Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize