Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
