he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
