Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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