We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
