dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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