What a fucking waste of an outfit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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