Who did Billy Mays play for?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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