the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
