i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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