3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't like sucking hair
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
