god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
