You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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