He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
