its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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