Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
