So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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