ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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