Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
