Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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