we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
