His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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