what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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