Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
