I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
