remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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