I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
