I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
did i just pee glitter
Randomize