I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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