I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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