There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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