I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize