Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
