3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
