At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
