I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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