I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
