After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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