Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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