we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
