i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
