Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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