I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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