I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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