Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
