The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
