i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
