I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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