Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
