If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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