someone threw a dead crab at me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
