I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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