i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
