you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
