just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
