Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
