Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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