i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize