It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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