break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
