I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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