I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
