Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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