maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
