A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
