And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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