She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
