Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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