But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
