A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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