you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize