Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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