I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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