she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
