you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
