My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
